Ellisville

Between Christmas and New Year's I was in Mississippi. I think I must've gone at least once a year every year of my life - and twice or more for the years that were skipped. I often end up in Mississippi cos my whole family is from there: mom and dad are from Ellisville and/or Laurel. In my view they're mostly the same thing to me, and I know the difference but in here we can just mush them together. So anyhoo - there is always the possibility at some holiday time or a random week in the summer or family reunion, I will be in Mississippi.

This end of the year visit had a purpose for a "gathering" encouraged by my aunt for my grandma. Ellisville and Laurel is about a hour up from the coast - so Katrina did go through the town (even as a Category 1 FEMA still hasn't fixed the damage as of December). This noticeably effected my grandma - my aunt said her spirits had been low ever since the storm and it'd be nice for all the grandchildren and greats and erebody to come on down to Currie Settlement for the "gathering." And so we did.

Another preface before the visit was that grandma's well being seemed to be diminishing - like showing signs of Alzheimer's or dementia or something. So, sure enough when we arrived from the road v early in the morning at like 5 am, Grandma was coming outta her room and a look of un-recognition/confusion was on her face when she looked at me. This deepened as more people came into the back (her two sons) - but I didn't think much of it - it was 5 frickin in the morning and she had just woken up, I'm sure she wasn't expecting her sons and grandkids that lived 1000 miles away to be in her house that morning - I'd be confused that early too. But as the week wore on (and they do pass slowly down there) Grandma seemed a bit more delicate. My sister kept saying that she never said her name the whole time she was down there - more my sister's fault than my aged Grandma - she hadn't been down there in years. neways... there was this moment that has stuck with me -

it was the most direct, complimentary, moment-of-clarity thing my grandma had ever said to me. She asked how was my job - I reminded her I worked at a museum and said it was good, then she said: I always thought Trish would be a doctor, she was always quiet and smart, had a good mind on her... Now to understand, well one - my grandma has never called me by my right name (dad gave up seriously trying correcting her years ago). But what went through my mind when she said that - I was stunned, and didn't know what to say. Just think, for my grandma's generation (I guess she's part of Brokaw's 'greatest') when women were all housewives, or in MS black women could be less than that - sharecropping with their children on their backs - a doctor, I'm thinking in her mind would've been the highest, most prestigious thing to become, even greater than being the president. So that's the enormity of that comment towards me - I think I mumbled thank you grandma, a more confident me would've struck up a dialogue about how she was right - I had always wanted to be a doctor when I was little.

So now - this past week, one of my cousin's called my oldest sister to say grandma was in the hospital (she's gotten better), and they had actually diagnosed her with Alzheimer's. Don't know how to feel about it really...but I'm happy to have had that moment to remember if it all goes downhill from here.